It's very rarely about belief

I had a really honest conversation with a client recently.

She told me she felt like she had these stints of greatness and then something would happen and it was all over. Starting again felt heavier every time. More effort. More resistance.

She'd done it before, remembering the work she did to get there. After moving through other phases of life, she found herself looking down the barrel of it again. "I'm scared I'm going to always be stuck in this place of chasing the goal". Fearful, hesitant. But what she hadn't realised is the goal posts had moved. They needed a different way to get to them this time. 

Her why was solid. She had just bought a house, stepping into the next stage of life, wanting to show up better for herself, for her partner and for the future she is building.

Instead of the usual no excuses or try harder approach we slowed it right down. Because the truth is she already knew what to do. She had the tools. The problem was not information or motivation.

So I asked her a simple question.

Why do you think this keeps happening?

After a bit of unpacking she landed on it.

"I do not believe in myself"

And here is the part that matters.

Believing in yourself is a feeling. A nice one to have. But it only comes after action. Not before it.

A lack of belief usually is not a mindset issue. It is a systems issue. Or a skills gap. Or a missing step in the doing of the goal that proves to you that you can.

How can you believe you are capable of a big scary goal if you have never even attempted the first step toward it?

So we broke it down.

Not go to the gym. It became... 

Wake up.
Feet on the floor.
Put on gym clothes.
Put on shoes.
Pick up bag.
Pre workout.
Car keys.
Leave the house.
Get in the car.
Drive.
Walk into the gym.

That was it.

And once we did that one of the biggest issues she was facing resolved itself almost immediately. 

This is where the feedback loop comes in.

Action creates evidence.
Evidence creates confidence.
Confidence makes the next action easier.

That is the loop.

When you do nothing the opposite loop runs.
Avoidance creates doubt.
Doubt increases anxiety.
Anxiety makes the next step feel even harder.

Most people think they need belief first. They are waiting to feel ready or confident or motivated.

But belief is a byproduct. Not a prerequisite.

Something I have learned myself in therapy this year is that the only way to interrupt anxious patterns like procrastination, overwhelm, fear of failure or avoidance is through action.

We talk a lot about self care. But most of what is sold as self care is actually self soothing.

Face masks. Baths. Massages. Switching off.

They have their place. But they do not stop anxiety.

Self care is taking action on the thing you are worried about. Even a tiny one. Especially a tiny one.

Because action feeds the right loop.

It is rarely about belief.
It is almost always about systems.
And starting smaller than your ego wants to.

If this hit home take one step today. Not the whole plan. Just the next right move.

That is how belief is built.

I'm thinking about doing a free 14 day challenge that aligns with my 'Becoming' journal, where we unpack the restraints holding you back and set you free to become. Hit the reply, let me know your thoughts.

Till next week,
Cass x